Am I crazy?

Well, yes, if you stop the question there, I am.

But what I meant to ask was, am I crazy to write something I really know nothing about?

I’m writing about a gay guy couple, one of which is bi, and their trials and tribulations to live a peaceful, loving life.

The bi especially has to live through a lot of crap. I found this out by reading, research and knowing one or two.

My heart goes out to bisexuals. So I’m writing them a story. I’m not bi, I’m not gay, and I’m not a guy.

Am I nuts in thinking I could write a good story about it?

Maybe. I’ll try anyway.

What do you think? Leave a comment, I’d love to read it.

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Writing… but not here

I’ve been writing a lot, but not here. I started a novel and feel this need in my gut to write. The inspiration comes and everyone out, I have to write.

Then I read over what I wrote.

Good god, I suck. Well, maybe not suck. It’s not that bad, I’ve read worse. That’s not an excuse to write crap though. I’m struggling with the feelings. I’m overusing adverbs like the reader needs me to hold his or her hand to get the emotion that’s played out. I have to take some out, it’s boring.  I’m underestimating my reader. One blogger I follow who’s a published author says never to use adverbs. Hhmmm..

I have to read a bunch of stuff about how to write. Lots of good bloggers out there who blog about writing and publishing. Must get to it.

Still, I’d love to be able to construct a story and tell it well. That’s what I like to read about. I presume other people too.

I’m off to write another chapter. See you later!

Twenty minutes

So my occupational therapist said I have to time myself when I work to see how long I last before my brain decides to jump to something else: that means it’s not interested in what I’m doing anymore and needs a break. If I do like I’ve always done in the past and try to keep going, scolding myself that I should be able to work just like everyone else, what a bad person I am not to be interested in my work, how come I can’t keep my focus, I must be the worst worker on the planet, I’m such a failure,  my brain shuts down.  To illustrate it to my o.t. (occupational therapist) I told her it was like having a curtain drop in front of my eyes. I can’t see anything anymore, I can’t see the words, I can’t read a full sentence without blanking out… So she said that when the curtain drops, I’ve let it go too long. I should stop before the curtain drops. Like when I have a “Squirrel – dog” moment.

http://youtu.be/xrAIGLkSMls

So I’m writing this post while I’m doing a translation that I am paid for. I also went on goodreads to read some flash fiction from some other members which I always enjoy. And now I’m getting tired, so I guess I should try to finish my translation.

So see you later, guys.

 

 

 

terribleminds.com Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenge

This is part of Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction Challenge. It was started with 200 words by Ambien Grey and continued 200 more by Tony Taylor. I decided to continue it and bring it to 800 words, so Ambien could finish it if she so wished. It’s called Dreamcatcher.

 

Miles away she was dreaming about him again. 

As in real life, he was sitting on the edge of a low wall, on some unidentifiable beach, his left hand raised toward the sky, fingers spread wide. Sunlight filled the spaces between. The sound of waves rolling by filled his ears – and hers, in her dream – and the scent of salty water hung in the air. She could smell it, too.

 

She watched him from a rise ahead, but he didn’t see her for the longest time. He looked magnificent, ethereal; unreal – the sun cast a yellow light around him, making him glow. His ginger hair lit up in a fiery brilliance, contrasting strongly his pale features, altogether emphasizing his deep green eyes. The ocean and the sunset behind him, everything to see back there, yet his arm was raised as though reaching for something ahead.

 

And then he saw her, his eyes sighting her between his fingers. Slowly, carefully, they closed, as if around her – she could feel him around her, like he’d caught her in a hug. Tighter, and tighter, squeezing until she could no longer breath.

 

Eyes shut tight, her mind racing desperately; finally, she forced herself awake.

 

            It wasn’t safe for her to keep returning to the dream. The habits of years and the heaviness of heart beating all these years had taken their toll.  Her psychiatrist warned that her constant recollection of the incident and refusal to let go would affect her health and mind.

 

Was this an infection of the mind?

 

Turning over in her bed, she pulled the covers tightly around herself.

 

How could she ever put Michael’s death behind her?  Even in the pain, the dream was now her only way of keeping Michael alive and in her life.

 

Despite her Dr. Mitchell’s insistence, this dream was more than just a dream.  Michael’s appearance, and the ocean always remained the same with every smell…with every sound.

 

She moved through the dream so that she could get to that one point, where Michael closed his eyes and she would welcome the stifling grasp of his soul to her soul. 

 

Even half asleep, she felt her breathing shorten.  This wasn’t some errant wish to change reality.  Michael was reaching out to her and she had to be there for him even if it meant damaging herself in the process.

 

What mother wouldn’t sacrifice all for her child?

 

If dreaming was the only way for her unborn child to feel his father’s presence, she would cling to it despite her doctor’s advice.

She found a cool spot on her pillow, closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, steadying her breathing. Her hand was on her stomach, where a part of Michael was growing inside her.

Soon, the smell of salt and the sounds of the ocean came to her. She saw the wall, then Michael’s figure. His hand reached for the sky. He saw her through his fingers. This was her chance, before he closed his eyes and suffocated her. She longed to feel the embrace that always came, but knew she needed to do this, for their child.

She put her hand up, for once taking an active part in the dream. Green eyes stared at her from the wall. She tried to take a step, but her feet couldn’t move in the sand even if she desperately wanted them to. The distance between her and the wall where Michael was sitting stretched longer and panic washed over her.

She was losing Michael. He was still looking at her but he was receding in the horizon.

“Michael!” she shouted, but no sound came out, her voice mute. Cold wind was now coming from the ocean, the waves rolling higher.

She could feel her baby in her big belly, like a separate entity, its weight and shape well defined inside her.

With the next wave, the dream shifted. Michael was behind her. He put his hand around her and stroked their baby. Her heartbeat slowed and she realized it had been racing. Michael’s hand was warm on her stomach. She felt the heat reach the womb. Calm, like a heavy blanket, came over her. All she could feel was the connection between Michael’s hand and the baby.

She was at peace, with Michael at her back, his hand on her stomach, the baby protected.

All too soon, Michael’s presence melted into her body, taking up space, squeezing her lungs, her heart. She knew what was coming. The familiar embrace closed around her, like a vice, tighter and tighter. The feel of Michael’s hand on her stomach dissolved into a hot sensation going through her, through the baby, to merge with Michael’s melting presence at her back.

She barely heard “thank you”, a mere whisper carried with the waves.

Masculin/Feminin

I have another blog in which I review cheap books I find on amazon.ca. I read all sorts of romances in different genres, whatever is cheap really, and looks like a good read. Short stories are more popular in the free range, as amazon publishing encourages writers to charge for their books based on the length. If I’m publishing my book that I worked really hard on for a couple of years and it’s 350 pages and amazon tells me I should charge $5 for it, I might have difficulty in giving it away for free. But I digress.

I stopped mentioning that the books I’ve been reading lately are in the gay and lesbian genre. I decided that it shouldn’t matter whether it’s two boys or two girls or a boy and a girl. A romance is a romance, right?

And I can get away with it because I’m writing my reviews in English! In French, I would have to specify the gender of the characters, like the she-doctor or the she-author, or the he-mechanic or the he-whatever. The spelling is different in French depending on the gender and it would give it away! HAHAHA! I love the English language for its generality in sexes. It’s gender-neutral. It’s a gay activist language! Wow! to discover this has made my day.

One goal a day

My occupational therapist told me I have to have one goal a day and reach it. Only one. It can be something really really small, or a whole project. If it’s a job, then I need to finish it.

Are you laughing? Think it’s easy? Well, that’s ADHD for you, man. Sometimes even that’s too much.

On with the day.

Okay, so here’s 2014…

and what shall I do with it. I already wrote about 2013 here. So now, what will I do with 2014?

A blank sheet of 352 opportunities to do things. A galaxy of possibilities to stay with the Force or join the Dark Side. A white canvas with a paint-by-numbers of 352 different colours.

I don’t know what I’ll do with it. I don’t do resolutions. I don’t understand them. I never have. How can you possibly tell what you want to do in the next year? And why only that year in particular? The most famous “I wanna stop smoking this year”. Bullshit. That never works. Why not last year? Or the day before? Does that mean you’ll start smoking again in a year from now?

So: no resolutions. What do I wish to have accomplished by December 31st, 2014? Ahhhh now that I can answer.

I hope to have published my first book (that is yet to be written) on amazon. I hope to have made enough money to pay back some debt with my English conversation classes and supplement this with some translating.

But I mostly hope to still have my husband by that date. And that my kids are still healthy and growing strong and wise like they’re doing now.

And I hope to be in better shape and understand my ADD more, so I can accomplish the above. 🙂