Tag Archives: depression

Cold Turkey

Off meds as of today – had to quit Strattera or jump off a bridge. Quit Strattera a couple of weeks ago. Was back on Vyvanse because the doctor is away until the 18th and didn’t want to prescribe anything else with unknown side effects without proper monitoring.

Turns out the heavy acne problem around Christmas was not stress but in fact Vyvanse side effect No. 2987450. So painful it gives me headaches. Quit that today.

Will be going cold turkey for a week. Will I still be writing? Will I get out of bed? Will I cry for no apparent reason like today?

Stay tuned for the fun, folks.

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Strattera: or how to swallow impending doom in a capsule

Okay, I’m off this shit. It’s making me want to jump off a bridge. Or leave everything. Or at the very least quit my job.

Side effects galore with this one: dysphoria. Look it up. It’s bad.

Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), from δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a state of feeling unwell or unhappy; a feeling of emotional and mental discomfort as a symptom ofdiscontentment, restlessness, dissatisfaction, malaisedepressionanxiety or indifference.

Yeah, I need that like I need a third nostril. My pharmacist is weaning me off as of tonight.

Fun fact: after taking it for a month, no beneficial effect on ADHD symptoms whatsoever. Quite the contrary in fact.

I’ll take hiked-up anxiety with Vyvanse anyday over this.

The thing is: I’ve been trying to get my head together to be a better mom for my kids for fifteen years now.  And that’s how old the eldest is… I’m running out of time…

My husband hasn’t left me yet: things are looking up.

Where’s my mind?

I think I left it in the washing machine.

Because it’s all soggy, washed out, dripping ideas down the drain.

It was so much fun taking ADHD meds called Vyvanse around Christmas time. I wrote and wrote and wrote.

I could write from 6 p.m. to midnight non-stop, words just flowing on the page – I would write so fast I left out some words. I wrote emotion, sex, descriptions. I could literally see the story unfold in my mind.

I asked my friend to read it for me and give me her opinions and ideas for changes.

I asked another friend to read a scene because she could be one of the characters.

Both gave me encouragement and praise.

My husband read the whole fifteen chapters and even if it’s a subject he’d never read on his own, he liked it. He also had ideas, caught mistakes and gave me praise.

Unfortunately, the meds also made me anxious and cut down my attention span to that of a gnat’s so I had to stop taking them.

And I stopped writing. Almost completely. Look at my latest postings on this blog and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

While weaning off the meds, my mom was diagnosed with inoperable pancreatic cancer, hence the post 3 months to live.

Now I’m taking another type of meds, Strattera, which are not working well so far. They leave me feeling depressed, desperate and sad. They don’t even lighten the ADHD symptoms yet – they take weeks before showing any improvement and I haven’t even reached the proper dosage yet – still implementing them gradually.

This is my second attempt at writing in almost a month – see here for the first one.

I read a post by Chuck Wendig, this writer I follow, who said we have to write everyday, even on days when we don’t feel like it. So here I am, writing.

The effort has given me a headache. Should have put my brain in the delicate cycle.