My days should start with eating a small amount of plain yogourt, the Greek kind with 0% fat, drizzled with maple syrup, thirty minutes of power walking while watching an episode of something on Netflix, breakfast and coffee, emails, Facebook, lunch with kids if they’re up, kitchen duties and preparing supper in advance, going to classes if I’m giving any that day, supper, writing and bed.
My days start with waking up too early, reading too much in bed, like a couple of hours, getting hungry, having a big breakfast because of it, feeling bloated by the big breakfast, putting off the exercise because of it, feeling guilty, emails, feeding the kids if they’re up, forgetting to eat again until feeling faint and nauseous, checking twitter and getting distracted by pictures of yummy men, running late for no apparent reason going to class if I’m giving one that day, leaving class way too hungry, getting home and throwing together a supper while my husband, just home from work, does the kitchen duties, getting distracted from writing by wasting time on Facebook and other nonsense and bed.
Who said ADHD sufferers shouldn’t feel like failures….
That’s what it feels like. It feels like running in water.
My brain is sluggish at best. In a few seconds, I can think: “Pick up $20 from the table and put in wallet.” “Grab cheque to pay therapy.” “Check time not to be late.” “Call to make appointment for kid’s haircut.” These thoughts just whiz by like lightning. And are promptly forgotten the minute lightning strikes.
What ensues is a series of slaps on the forehead throughout the day. “Did you call for my haircut?” Shit. Forgot. Dring – “Yeah? I’m in the car. Can you find me the closest ATM to my therapist’s office? I forgot my cheque.” Fuck. If I had remembered to pick up the $20 on the table before I left, I would’ve had enough money on me to pay my therapist in cash… And I’m late to my therapist’s office. Of course.
Oh: and the therapist I’m talking about? Not a psychologist, she’s my occupational therapist who helps me with my ADHD, and gives me tricks and strategies not to forget stuff and get better organised since I can’t seem to tolerate any meds.
All these things cause me a serious amount of anxiety because thoughts that don’t whiz by to be forgotten the minute they show up just bounce around in my head until I freak out: “I have to write today.” “I have to exercise.” “I have to phone an orthodontist to set up an appointment for the kid’s ingrown tooth.” “I have to read on OneNote.” “I have to find that web page on Scrivener that I liked but that disappeared when my computer broke down.” “I have to get back to so-and-so concerning that email she sent me months ago.” Ding, ding, ding. My head’s a regular pinball machine.
One trick: OHIO. Or Only Handle It Once. So now I’m gonna go back to cleaning up the kitchen that I left mid-task when my phone rang next to my computer which led me to write this post.